My Monologue

I’m too old. Too old to learn this. I’m too old to learn that. All the people my age who have this skill started when they were like 8. I’ll be bad. I’ll say,”Hey I can play the Ukelele”,and then people will ask me to play something. Then when I take ten minutes going from one chord to another it will be embarrassing and not at all worth showing. I can’t go take salsa dancing lessons. I’ll be bad. Do they even have an age group class I can go in. I don’t want to be with a bunch of 10 year olds. But I don’t want to be in an adult class where they are so much better than me. I’ll spend my time practicing and then my friends will ask me to show them. When it doesn’t look hip or cool they will still say good job and be nice, even though they are really thinking about how weird I am to learn to dance like this. I mean, I’m white. 

Above is your stereotypical argument I have with myself when I think of something new I want to try. 

But why am I so nervous? Why is it such a bad thing to be a beginner? Why is it bad to crave new skills ? Why do I care if I’ll make a fool of myself at first? Why do I care if I end up not liking it? To move beyond that, why is that a fear for most? Why is chasing a passion that is outside your normal spectrum so unheard of and terrifying? 


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